i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize