so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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