Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
