Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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