Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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