My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
