How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
