Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
