it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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