She announced her abortion via fbk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
