omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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