we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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