we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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