I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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