maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
