All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize