You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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