I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
