zippers are such a cool invention
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
