I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize