i already hear my dad disowning me
I skipped work to stalk him.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
