I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That accounts for only three of the penises
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
