I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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