Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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