God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
