I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
