After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
