Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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