I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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