When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
