I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
