I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize