NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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