I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
