Pappa wants mamma naked
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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