remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
