I am puke
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
