Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
