I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
