Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i barfeds in our rink
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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