I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
