we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
