I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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