Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
