we're blogging at a bar
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
