So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
