I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize