We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's never too late to be topless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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