Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
