youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
