Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
