Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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