There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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