You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
