Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you win again, gameday.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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