when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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