hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
