Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
