i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
