Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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