she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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