so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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