can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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