Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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