im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
