i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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