elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Found the puke drawer
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
