My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
