oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
