He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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